Consent, boundaries, pda (public displays of affection)

Revision 1.0	Prepared By School meeting/ Iassic Wilkening	Date Prepared October 4 2022
Effective Date October 18 2022	Reviewed By  School Meeting	Date Reviewed October 11 2022
	Approved By School Meeting	Date Approved October 18 2022

What is consent-

“Both parties agreeing to something.”

*Even asking to touch an object

What does that look like/ how can you ask

Asking before touching someone or invading their personal space.

Asking consent to sit by someone or go within their personal bubble.

Example

“Hello, can I give you a hi five?”, “yes” *hifives

“Can I do this?” (y/n)

“Can I touch *insert thing*?”, “yes”, *touches object

“Can I rant to you right now” (also still use content warnings)

Physical examples-

Putting up a fist bump, giving the option for the individual to fist bump back

Putting up hand for hi-five

Putting up arms, giving the other person an option to hug them

What are boundaries-

“A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line”- oxford

“A limit of a subject or sphere of activity”-oxford

How do you set boundaries-

By setting boundaries, that could look like requesting not to do something.

Example-

“I don’t like to be hugged”; “please don’t hug me”

“Ask before touching me.”; “please don’t touch me at all”

“Please don’t talk about *insert content*.”

“No.”

“Don’t do that”

“Please stop that”

“You’re in my bubble, can you back up please?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not available to hear that right now.”

“Please don’t talk about that.”

Physical examples-

Taking a step backwards

Putting your foot in front of you

Putting up a hand

What to do if someone isn’t respecting boundaries

If the issue is being done in good faith, talking to that person should be fine. But if it keeps happening or it is in bad faith, talk to an advisor or staff member and restorative justice and accountability measures should be/ could be taken. It depends on the circumstances.

Example

“You aren’t respecting my boundaries”

“I have a boundary of *insert thing*, you aren’t respecting it.”

*restate boundary- “I asked you not to do that, I noticed you are doing it, here is my boundary”

Caveat to boundaries around subjects- 

If you are constantly putting up the boundary of not wanting to talk about certain subjects, such as race, remember not to use it as an excuse to opt out of educational discussion. Especially, if you benefit from that conversation. People who have trauma relating to a subject, or who are affected by a subject matter, have the right to put up a boundary and say. “I can’t talk about that today or right now”, but if you are not affected by a subject and are just uncomfortable around a subject matter, look into that and remember sometimes one needs to feel uncomfortable in order to learn and grow educationally.

Example of this-

A white person should not use a boundary to not talk about race or anti-blackness, but a black person may use a boundary to say they are not able to talk about that subject in that current time. This is because, black people are directly impacted and affected by race and anti-blackness due to the state of the world and history. 

Example- 

Someone who is affected by disability (has a disability or close relation with someone who does) may choose not to participate in discussion about ableism, but someone who is not disabled SHOULD participate in the conversation, even if they are uncomfortable by it.

What is PDA-

(Public Displays of Affection)

Any kind of body contact*

Example

Kissing in public (cheek or lips)

Holding hands

Hugging

Cuddling (laying against someone or beside them, spooning)

What is and is not acceptable in school-

Kissing on the lips (not school appropriate in any way)

Covid protocol says masks must be worn, so if masks were still worn, kissing on the cheek is acceptable. 

Outside there should be no kissing, even a kiss on the cheek needs masks to be worn.

Leaning against someone or head on shoulder is okay.

Laying on someone or spooning is not school appropriate

Sharing seats or sitting by/ next to someone is ok if both butts are on the ground

How should we share this information?-

Have a  poster,  reminders in school meeting and advisory (reminders if needed, advisors share it if needed, students can ask for a reminder)

How would we hold us/ppl accountable for this? advisors , staff and students

Having a talk; restorative justice circle

Reminders

Helping your friend set boundaries

*this can be changed at any time

How friends can help hold each other accountable and how they can help each other practice and use consent and boundaries, is just working on them with it

Why someone may have trouble respecting boundaries?-

Some people who are neurodivergent have issues with impulse control, or thinking before acting. We need to remember that it takes time and practice to learn consent and boundaries. Your boundaries are important and should be respected, but also we need to remember to be kind and compassionate as well as understanding of circumstances.